I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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