Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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