Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
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Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
