Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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