She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
