i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
