You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
