The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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