well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize