I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
