I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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