I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
