I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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