I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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