you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
