Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
