If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
