Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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