I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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