I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
