Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
