Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize