I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
