do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
