oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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