I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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