i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
