i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
