I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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