you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
