i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
