I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I still have a little drunk in my system
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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