He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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