She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize