Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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