Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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