I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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