How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize