he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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