No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
