Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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