im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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