I haven't been this sober since birth.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
