I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
