I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
