the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
