dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
