We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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