But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The air was thick with penises
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
