im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
