Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
