Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
