smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize