im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
