oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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