You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
