Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
