you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize