When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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