The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize