Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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