Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
4 words: hood of his car
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
