doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
