Ambien. No doubt about it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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