i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
organizing the empties. That sober.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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