I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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