chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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