How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
