My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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