So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
