I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize