Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
