life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is Oprah even human
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
