hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
