Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
