i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
