ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize