from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
