he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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