If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
