You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
