I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
