Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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