Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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