drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
